Interview with Dr. Adolf Steg

"The following interview was done in 1996, I think, by Lee Stokoe of Odour of Maimed Dog or Barking Cat; those pre- Tony Blair days were the golden years of small press publishing.
I have revised and updated this a bit - the past as they say is another country, I do not revel in the past but this is sort of preserving it in amber for a future of illiterate morons who will have no sense of humour. Humour and peace was my main inspiration then . . . we visited Jim Morrison's grave last year and it was like going back in time, America at war again with a primitive culture, an idiot president in power and we witnessed rioting students in the same area that Jim lived in before he died. History continues to repeat itself and artists can only watch and record." - Dr. Steg, May 2007

* NOTE - ALL UPDATES ARE MARKED WITH AN ASTERISK *

LS. Dr. Adolf Steg is a genius illustrator with many comiks available for private functions. Who would you say were your main artistic influences?

AS. Lots, I am interested in everything, but to narrow it down to my main influences I would have to say - H. R. Giger, Marlboro Red Cigarettes (*I have since given up smoking, I used to smoke 80 a day), Andy Warhol, The Marx Brothers, strong cheap lager or dry white wine (*I now drink only low strength Boddingtons and red wine), odd socks with holes in (*I now only wear black socks without holes in), Laurel and Hardy, Roger Whittaker, Peter Cook, Philippe Druillet, Robert Crumb (*I now own a signed Crumb print), HP Sauce (*but only in a glass bottle, not plastic), Victor Moscoso, Basil Wolverton, hamsters with no legs, Peter Greenaway, David Lynch, Walt Disney, Blaster Bates, The Goons, any type of goat, pig or cow, my brain (*this has proved to be my favourite form of in flight entertainment and has not let me down yet), washing up liquid, anything beginning with T (*the whole alphabet interests me now), hangovers, garden centres (*no interest in these anymore, just bad memories of  pushing old people around in wheel chairs in them), sneezing, grass, lightbulbs, dirt, pebbles, sand, concrete, rain, jelly, Salvador Dali, salt and vinegar crisps, Albert Speer, Adolf Hitler, keys, pavements, Jim Morrison's eyebrows, forest floors and tweezers.

LS. What is your favourite fence?

AS. My favourite fence is the dry stone wall. One usually finds them in the countryside and also you can see them on John Cravens Country File television programme, usually in the background (*I no longer watch television, it seems a bit pointless, I wouldn't even know if John Craven was still alive, my idea of seeing the countryside these days is to drive around it for about twenty minutes in the car). 

AS. I discovered my illustrative talents in an old tin bath when I was taken on an expedition to find dandruff in the next door neighbour's garden when I was 3 years old. I promptly swallowed it and have been inflicted with this terrible disease ever since.(*I no longer suffer from this problem due to Tony (the evil  cunt, arsehole bastard blood on his hands warmongering idiot cunt) Blair.

LS. What / who / where is Spon?

AS. Spon is a very dangerous addictive entity that I thought I had invented, but it was used by Spike Milligan as the title of a Goon show script called The Spon Plague. It is also the name of a company that makes meatgrinders. I like the word a lot and have tried to resurrect it and have created an area in my garden that has 3 full sized crosses in it, we crucify the spon every other Monday. I have a friend called Edith Spon (*this was the name I gave to Crayola Summer) and we also have a cat called Henry who is also called Edith Spon (*Henry who is also called Edith Spon died of a heart attack in 2002). I think it is an excellent word that has no apparent meaning (*I still use this word today and it does indeed have no apparent meaning which I like, indeed does life have any apparent meaning?)

LS. Are you fascinated by George Peppard, were you saddened when he died?

AS. I am fascinated by anyone called George, I have met and corresponded with the artists Gilbert and George, (*I still see them from time to time and own some of their work), I have an Uncle George who has told me his fascinating stories about being on ships in the war. I also enjoyed the TV comedy George and Mildred and as a young child I was sexually abused by George the pink thing on Rainbow. I was also sexually aroused by Geoffrey's immensely flared nostrils and jealous of his thighs. I wasn't at all saddened by George Peppard's death because he was a cunt! (*And so were the rest of the A Team and all the other shit American shows they put on at teatime and have since remade as shit films).

LS. How often do you talk to your Radish children?

AS. I talk to them every morning by shouting very loudly at them, kicking the shit out of them and then throwing them under ice-cream vans.

LS. How is Uncle Stump? (*Uncle Stump was a Guinea Pig we owned who was kept in the same cage as a Rabbit called Uncle Stump, the Rabbit used to rape the Guinea Pig and all his hair fell out and he died of a heart attack)

AS. Uncle Stump is fine, he is sitting in his cage at the moment reading a book about how to read, he sends his love as well as his underpants, knees, kidneys and hat (but not in that order)

Unfortunately, since Dr. Steg replied to this interview Uncle Stump has sadly passed away. A minute's silence please.

LS. Ask yourself 3 questions and answer them?

AS. 1 - What fruit would you like to be? A banana (*I would choose a watermelon today).
2 - What famous person would you like to be? George Peppard (I would choose Fred Dibnah today).
3 - What famous person would you like to shoot? Princess Diana and perhaps all the rest of the fucking useless Royal family who wander about all over the place at our expense and also the entire Conservative party as well!!! The bastards!!!! Fucking 2 faced shit eating hypocrites, I want to kill you!! (*Feel pretty much the same today, all politicians are cunts, David Cameron is a smug shit eater, far worse than Blair the Cunt, I own a piece of art by Bob and Roberta Smith which is a photo of David Cameron and his wife in Blackpool with the words 'arseholes' scrawled above them, I also own a picture of Tony Blair with snake eyes painted in prison by Selby Rail crash driver Gary Hart).

LS. Do you like any other Small Press comik artists, who?

AS. Er! I'm going to have to be a bit selective and say Andy Paciorek, Crayola Summer of Inner Psyche productions, Stan Batcow, Leigh Smith who corresponds on a non verbal level, Shaun Keenan of Odour of Maimed Dog, I like anyone with a sense of humour, odd view of the world and our postman and his big sac.

LS. How do you keep the Deluxe boxes you make away from your deluxe box loving girlfriend (*now my wife and even more devoted lover of my artwork).

AS. I lock my girlfriend up in a giant model of Roy Castle, it is in fact called Roy's Castle and has 73 bathrooms, 223 bedrooms and 3 fridges stocked with trumpets and fresh spon and she spends several happy fun-filled days screaming and shouting to be let out, she loves it. (*I now just bury her alive in a coffin filled with jelly and Polyfiller)

LS. How did you come to collaborate with Andy Paciorek?

AS. Andy contacted me after seeing my advert for pornographic toothpaste in the Daily Express last Tuesday and sent me his mother, I promptly sold her into the flourishing Lancashire white slave trade for £3.50 and I adopted him as my trusty trussed person. He weighs 8 tons and makes wonderful homemade brandy and apricot trifle. (*I still have Andy who is presently digging a tunnel to the centre of the earth in the back garden)

LS. What is the average time spent producing a Steg comik?

AS. It depends, I don't really have deadlines or anyone telling me what to do. I usually think of a title and work around that, I don't plan anything and don't even do any pencil drawings, it's all done straight away with a pen. Can I go now as I think I've pissed myself and I need to re-apply the cream.

LS. Thank you Dr. Steg, I think the stains can be removed from that chair with Vaseline or a dead dogs liver.

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