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  The Grouch
Published in 2011. 15cm x 10cm, 8 pages, full colour throughout

The Grouch is a 2011 poem written in a Seussesque style by pStan Batcow, who then sent it to Dr Adolf Steg for illustration. Dr Steg found and assembled art pages from a variety of places, including some drawings by Carlito Juanito, and returned them to pStan Batcow who added colourisation. The whole thing was then rounded off with a cover illustration by Andy Paciorek.

Costs £1, includes postage

 

 
  You're Making My Noise Wheast
Published in 2011. 7cm x 7cm, 12 pages, full colour cover

A fascinating little collection of some bizarre stories taken from newspapers in the late 1980's and early 1990's which evidence pranksterism, from the harmless to the darker side.

Costs £1, includes postage

 

 
  God is your Microwave Oven
Published in 2010. 7cm x 7cm, 11 pages, two colour pages inside

A fascinating little collection of some bizarre stories taken from newspapers in the late 1980's and early 1990's which evidence the more unusual or extreme ways and motives people have of murdering each other.

Costs £1, includes postage

 

 
  The Crime Prevention Coloring Book
Published in 2010. 7cm x 7cm, 8 pages, full colour

If you want to colour it in, you can; there are lots of places where you can try to keep inside the lines. It's by no means compulsory, though.

Costs £1, includes postage

 

 
  Evil Things
Published in 2010. 21cm x 15cm, 24 pages, full colour throughout

pStan Batcow wrote Evil Things in 2001 (it ended up being part of his still-as-yet-unpublished novel The Sleeping Party). Andy Paciorek illustrated the story with drawings which were then digitally manipulated by Dr. Adolf Steg. This is the result . . . and it's truly beautiful, if more than a little grotesque. It tells the story of brave twins Tim and Thom who visit a travelling Rogue's Gallery, and the strange, disturbing and possibly terrifying things they encounter there. It's a Fairly Story, which could be read to small children - but they'd have to reassure you that it wasn't real, as you were reading it to them.

Costs £2, includes postage

 

 
  MAN
Published in 2008. 15cm x 10cm, 16 pages, full colour cover

MAN was illustrated by Andy Paciorek and written by pStan Batcow (the illustrations preceded the writing). It is a tale of confusion, of alien possession, of the struggle against reality we all endure, of the way different people perceive the same events. It is written in an unusual style of stilted sentences and reduced language, in order to force the reader to work harder at uncovering whatever meaning is most relevant to him or her. (Goodness, that all sounds like new-age bullshit, doesn't it?)

Costs £1, includes postage

 

 - Review by Node Pajomo, Summer 2012
[MAN] is a very difficult to read existentialist tale with simple but potent images. Here is an example of the text: "Man whole head fill sad, fill big and big then no room left." It almost gives me a headache, but there is a story buried in there . . .

 
  Taciturn
Published in 2007. 15cm x 10cm, 16 pages, full colour cover

A short comic featuring Taciturn the Norwegian Owl, in a variety of situations, using words of wisdom as sung by the Beatles for good ends. Dreamt by Caroline Brooks, written by pStan Batcow, drawn by Andrew L. Paciorek.

Costs £1, includes postage

 

 - Review by Andrew Truth, 2010
Taciturn is my new guru. This owl responds to all questions and quandaries with Beatle quotations. Wonderful illustrations from Andy Paciorek and, for those with anorak tendencies, extra entertainment can be gained by trying to place the lyrics in the appropriate song.

 
  The Batcow Bestiary
Published in 2006. 15cm x 10cm, 48 pages, full colour cover plus six full colour pages inside

Renowned naturalist Andrew L. Paciorek spent several months living alone in a cave in the wilderness whilst researching this book, making copious notes and drawings. He only ventured into populated areas when investigative purposes made it totally necessary, before then going back to his work and prolonged hermit-like existence. Upon his return to civilisation he presented his findings to pStan Batcow, who was inspired to attempt to produce sculptures of the newly discovered creatures in various materials.
This book documents the results of their work.

Further information is available at Batcow Artworks, where a selection of similar artwork is on display and available for purchase.

Costs £2, includes postage

 

 - Review by Nude magazine, 2008
According to legend, the story behind this utterly bizarre and fabulous little zine is that renowned naturalist Andrew L. Paciorek spent several months living alone in a cave, and discovering new and exciting creatures. When he returned to civilisation he presented his findings to pStan Batcow who was inspired to produce sculptures of these beasts. This zine documents their work. Their 'discoveries' include the 'common chavfinch' (latin term 'Yobbo vulgaris'), the bohemian aartvark (Beatnika poetica) and the servile sycophant (Skivvy brownnosus). It's life Jim, but not quite as we know it. The authors obviously had fun creating this alternate world.

 - Review by Andrew Truth, 2010
What a delight! This compact booklet consists of fictive creatures, giving their names, cod-Latin variants, an amusing spiel and illustrations. My particular favourites are the Bondage Brain-Ape (Intelligencia de sade) and the Common Chavfinch (Yobbo vulgaris). I suspect this would have been as much fun to create as it is to read. To add to the joy of this project, pStan Batcow has actually created sculptures of the assorted mammals and insects using, mainly, scrap metals.

 
  Bullshit Batcow 2
Published in 2006. 5cm x 5cm, 50 pages, full colour cover

In 2006 it was decided to revisit Bullshit Batcow (21 years after first publication, see below) in an attempt to prove that the same jokes are just as funny at the point of coming of age, so a remix of the original was produced. The attempt failed miserably. This is just another mini comic with plenty of very rude words and little else.

Costs £1, includes postage

 

 
  Paragraph
Published in 2003. 14cm x 14cm, 28 pages, full colour cover

A collection of words which, if loosely strung together, could feasibly form a Paragraph. They are accompanied by images chosen and carefully placed to impart either more, new or no meaning. Phraseology - Stan Batcow. Image Manipulation - Andy Paciorek.

To see an online version of this booklet, click here. A real printed-on-paper copy, however, will fit better on your coffee table (and impress far more people).

Costs £2, includes postage

 

 
  Teeth
Published in 1998. 16cm X 14cm, 10 pages. Warning: this booklet is circular

A short history of the mental dental experiences of Stan Batcow. Some scenes are best read through a covered face, or from behind the sofa (just like watching ‘Doctor Who’). Gruesome!

To read the text of this booklet (which will in no way do your street-cred as much good as actually owning an original copy), click here.

Costs £1, includes postage

 

 - Review by Node Pajomo, Spring 2012
A Brief Dental History of Stan Batcow is actually ROUND. There is only print on one side of each page, though. I haven't read it yet because it looks like a dental horror story and I have to be in the right frame of mind for horror.

 - Review by Node Pajomo, Summer 2012
It is rude to make fun of others, particularly an entire nation, but say "Teeth" and "British" in the same sentence to most Americans and we're half way there. Why I have a copy of "The Big Book of British Teeth" right here! It is right beside pStan Batcow's 'Teeth' in which he shares his dental history. Just having this near made my filling hurt, and it was just as bad as I expected. I refuse to recount any details, but everything that can go wrong goes and you should go brush and floss right after you send away for this horror show. Oh, and the zine is round, on colored paper and every page is blank on one side due to the abovementioned roundness I suppose. But brush. Brush.

 
  Deja What?
Published in 1998. 30cm x 21cm, 16 pages plus full colour cover

A collection of photomontage pieces created to invoke reaction, doubt, bewilderment and scepticism. Some truly stunning examples of juxtaposition will provoke your thoughts. There's no reading to speak of (but can't images speak louder than words?)

Only the cover of this publication was ever printed in colour, and the print quality of the inside black and white pages was questionable, so you can click here for an online version, which also has three bonus pages that weren't originally printed. (You should also buy a real printed-on-paper copy, however, or else your life will lack meaning and you'll feel all unfulfilled and wishy-washy).

Costs £2, includes postage

 

"Deja What? Is fandabbydidjeridoovy. Collage is my favourite art form in any medium (music, art, salad etc.) and I shall never use the word 'juxtaposition' (well, I shan't use it again, anyway). For ages I've had the idea of doing a booklet of collages like that, so that's further inspiration . . . yes, this is excellent stuff, and [Stan Batcow] does have quite an artist's eye."
 - Stream Angel

 
  Toilet Humour for Dogs
Published in 1997. 15cm x 15cm triangular, 16 pages

Have you ever wondered what the canine population does for a laugh? Here's a doggy version of 'Viz' comic but much more blatant. Presented in the most bizarre publishing format ever.

Costs £1, includes postage

 

 - Review by Node Pajomo, Spring 2012
. . . sixteen triangle shaped pages of images of dogs with jokes only a dog could love.

 "A despicably pointless mini quasi-comic."
  - Smart King Dan

 
  Shrewd
Published in 1996. 21cm x 15cm, 16 pages, colour photograph cover

A cautionary tale for small mammals, carefully told by Stan Batcow from real-life events. This comic book version of a true story involves a long hot summer, 'The Cat', a packet of Spangles, some quadratic equations and an unpleasant surprise . . . beautifully drawn by Crayola Summer in a child-like style subliminally oozing malevolence.

Costs £1, includes postage

 

 - Review by NE29, 1997
Yes, at long last we don't have to put up with the oh so nice and cute little mice any more, feed 'em to the snakes I say! It's a hard life being a cat, especially when the tourists tell you to "BUGGA OFF!" all the time. Plus he's got no mates coz all the fluffy little woodland creatures don't trust him (wonder why?). The childlike drawings make it that bit more funny and you have to feel sorry for THE CAT, well he is hard done by. Bottom line, if everyone had been nice to him he wouldn't have gone over the edge.

 
  BLIP! - My Life in a Child’s Imagination
ISBN 1 898494 01 0
Published in 1995. 21cm x 15cm, 28 pages plus colour cover

This comic-strip version of the terrors of childhood, written by Stan Batcow and drawn by Andy Paciorek, is a conglomerate of all those childish fears often laughed at when your friends and you talk about how grown-up you are (but never after dark) . . . Recall the hideous terror of discovering The Toilet Monster and The Things That Live Down The Plughole . . . the flesh-crawling realisation of The Beings Under Your Bed . . . the stark, madness-inducing knowledge of what was waiting for you in The Dark . . . and all those repetitive rituals which kept you safe. It's no wonder that we're a nation of eccentrics - more wonder that we survived the rigours of childhood at all. This publication is a comprehensive account of these fears, researched in great detail from many sources, which may lay them to rest for you once and for all . . . or simply bring them back to unreality larger than ever. Dare you risk it?

Costs £2, includes postage

 

 - Review by M&E newsletter, 1999
This little comic-style book . . . it's a work of pure genius. It's quite magical. Reading it stirred all kinds of childhood memories that would otherwise have remained buried in the dark little corners of my mind. It's both familiar and alien, amusing and nostalgic.
Smile as you recall the strange beings that scared you shitless when the lights went out and mummy and daddy had the telly on too loud to hear your stifled cries for help. I'd strongly suggest you treat yourself to a copy, buy a few more for friends, you'll thank me for it, promise. Unless you'd rather have Old Joe Crow pecking the bottom of your feet one night soon . . .

"Special commendation must go to Blip - My Life in a Child's Imagination, which is truly excellent, and indeed . . . bloody marvellous. The illustrations are perfect for the text, and of a very high standard / quality - the centrefold with all the children's characters from Scooby-Doo to the Cat in the Hat (there were only about two I couldn't name) is astounding - it seems to encapsulate the whole of my childhood, as if it had been physically wrenched from the dim, distant and forgotten corners of my brain. The idea behind the whole project is superb, and had I been contacted with regard to your research, you would have got similar results - indeed, I find much to identify with ("Oh God, someone else did that too!") - demonic kid's toys, paintings coming alive, things under the bed - yup, I had all these things too."
 - Stream Angel

 - Review by Node Pajomo, Summer 2012
[BLIP!] is a fantastically drawn comic about a seemingly psychotic child's visions. The art is occasionally horrifyingly psychedelic and the story seems to beg for little Joey to get medicated. At the end is a section to write in your own childhood fears and dislikes after pStan explains what lead to the creation of the comic. Disturbingly entertaining.

 
  A Nod’s As Good As A Wink To A Blind Bat
Published in 1994. 21cm x 12cm, 10 pages - includes construction materials

This is more of a 'do-it-yourself' Art / Construction project, containing ideas and the materials you will need for the creation of sculptures (in the paper engineering technique) and other things. It’s a piece of art in itself! (Nudge, Nudge). Great fun for all the family.

Costs £2, includes postage

 

 - Review by Node Pajomo, Spring 2012
. . . a limited edition zine of instructions on what to do with the included 77 'Nudge' cards. If I had the time, I would make the Pentagonal Dodecahedron. 

 
  Life After birth
ISBN 1 898494 00 2
Published in 1992. 21cm x 15cm, 31pages plus colour cover

A book of grotesque and extreme short stories by Stan Batcow. From diary-style recollections of true events to dreamlike musings, from slices of raw horror (both manifest and headbound) to whimsical, if slightly surreal, fairy stories. All these tales are told in an engaging manner and with a somewhat slanted perspective on life. Essential reading; if you've already got one - buy another! With accompanying illustrations by different artists. Not for the weak of heart.

Costs £2, includes postage

 

 - Review by Vacumn Head #1, 1993
A collection of short stories by Stan Batcow. From the perverse to the paranoid and some very strange tales inbetween. Very dark and oppressive in places, however 'The Realm Wyfforn' is a delightful Lewis Carrol 'Jabberwocky' inspired tale. Worth buying for the imaginative story lines and great accompanying artwork.

 - Review by Aural Response, 1994
Some provocative, some thought-provoking, all short, sweet and interesting. A bit out of the ordinary. The illustrations compliment the stories well, too.

 - Review by Riot of Emotions #4, 1994
This is a collection of prose and short stories by Stan, illustrated by 6 artists. Stan's work is full of strong, dark and strange imagery, sometimes fantasy, sometimes frighteningly real, but always shockingly nasty. Overall this is an excellent project which has come together really well.

 - Review by NE29, 1997
This little offering to the gods of chaos is certainly not for the squeamish. If, on the other hand, you're into all things dark and sinister then this little book's for you. Sometimes amusing but definitely filled with someone's worst psychotic nightmares from hell as they fall further down the downward spiral . . . Sometimes reminiscent of American Psycho.

 
  Love and Hate: Life and Death; What’s the Difference?
Published in 1989. 15cm x 10cm, 20 pages plus colour cover

A little booklet presenting a selection of thoughts, opinions, emotions and artwork in the poetry / prose mould.

Costs £1, includes postage

 

 - Review by Soft Watch, 1992
I'm no great expert in the field of poetry and may call on someone more versed in this field of written art to review such material in future. This small booklet has only 20 pages, 18 of which are short poems, while the centre pages have a black and white drawing in a cartoony, light goth style. The styles inside vary a lot - I don't imagine this is exactly Betjeman quality, but there are interesting rhythmic workings to be found. My two favourites are what I imagine would be called 'Another Cat is Dead' which has a nice flick-back metre, and something akin to Lewis Carroll's 'Jabberwocky' - all absurd words in mock Olde Worlde style. None of the pieces are actually titled, but you'll soon spot the ones I refer to. There's surrealism, realism and snatches of dreams, as well as all those subjects mentioned in the title. It won't cost you much and you might find it worthwhile sending for - it entertained me, which is the best reason for anyone to buy a copy.

 - Review by A Riot of Emotions #2, 1992
Poetry by Stan of Pumf, thoughtful and well written.

 

  We Worship the Frenzied Tasmanian Crow Chainsaw Adventure
Published in 1986.
21cm x 15cm (folds out to 60cm x 42cm), 16 pages

We Worship the Frenzied Tasmanian Crow Chainsaw Adventure, Too
Published in 1988.
21cm x 15cm (opens out to 42cm x 30cm), 16 pages

Issues one and two of a publication borne out of wanting to assemble pages that Stan Batcow had produced, as contributions for printing in other people's publications. Made up of articles, fairly stories, adventures in surreality, artywork and weirdness - these are essentially pages from A 'Sex' hat dance magazine that were printed in other magazines, first.

Costs £1 for both, includes postage

 

 - Review by Robin Duke, Evening Gazette, May 1988
(Stan) has aiso published another of his quasi-fanzines - this one with the enigmatic title of 'We Worship the Frenzied Tasmanian Grow Chainsaw Adventure or Adventures In Surreality by Stan'. If self-indulgent mental meanderings are what you want . . . then look no further.

"Probably the longest title going, a booklet that defies comparison, mainly focusing on the personal side of life through literature and artwork - recommended."
 - For Want Of (mail order list), 1990

 - Review by Soft Watch, 1992 (issue 1)
OK, I admit it, I'm thoroughly baffled by this. What I do know is that it's a double-side-printed A2 sheet folded into A5 featuring many small pieces of writing / art / collage. Other than that all is slightly misty. It's mostly written by 'Stan' who might exist, whose surname might be Batcow, on the other hand it might be 'M' (or Sheila) Standing. The writing itself is surreal and mind-twisting, far more so than, say, Mind Crash or Tabtoblockbicuspid. About the most 'sane', easy to read piece is Stan's Guide to Suicide featuring the top 7 most popular ways to 'do it' (the 'Top' seven?) Strange and fragmented, with returning sentences and references to "A 'Sex' hat dance" on almost every page - plain weird!

 - Review by Soft Watch, 1992 (issue 2)
Comes in the shape of two A3 sheets, stapled 'against the grain' with the various pieces of writing tumbling at odd angles on each of the A5 folds. As with the first publication under this heading, it consists of various writings Stan has done for other publications, gathered together into one single work. The style nods boldly in the direction of Monty Python - from the bizarre and often gross children's tales ending in grisly fish-tail, to feasts of breakfast cereals, Sloths, Mangoes, Fruit Bats, chocolate fancies and cheeses of the world, there are many parallels. And many inventive diversions - from explaining bicycles to the layman to touring Blackpool; from judging evolutionary dead-ends (for man) to 'Stan on tour',  they cram a lot into these few pages. Maybe not everyone's cup of tea, but there is something warmly likeable about these writings.

 - Review by Vaqume Head, 1993
Strange tales of personal experience and imaginative writings by Stan Batcow. Weird, wonderful and so full of variety that I'm not even going to attempt to describe it further. Good stuff.

 - Review by Steve Snelling, Skeletons Making Love, 1987
. . . contains some very useful tips if you are thinking about topping yourself, a day in the life of Stan Batcow's belly button and lots more besides. Not only is it an excellent zine it also makes a great poster.

 - Review by Dddd #54, 2000
Old zines written by Stan Batcow, over ten years old, haven't dated In the least - how could they have done? - the 'zany' selector switch is flicked - old-style typeface (swoon) and black'n'white (swoooon), they each provide some dozen or two or so minutes of individual sunsplashes and manic barks from the jolly inmate with the life-sentence inside Stan's brain - good advice on how to wash yr hair ("I recommend using a shampoo most suited to yr type of hair"), a plea on behalf of teacups, a guided tour round suburban Biackpool in search of the school etc where some old guy out of Jethro Tull once wandered - but Stan is never sure of any exact addressee and you generally have to squint while looking at whole streets and telling yourself "somewhere near here Ian Anderson had his first wank". Being 'zany' and being 'funny' are usually two very different things, but Stan has the gift of often making them copulate together nicely. Hope he won't still he trying to shift old stock of these zines in another ten years . . . but . . .

 
  Bullshit Batcow
Published in 1985. 10cm x 7cm, 16 pages

A mini comic with plenty of very rude words and little else.

Costs £1, includes postage

 

 - Review by Soft Watch, 1992
This is an A7 comic / zine with only 14 pages plus cover. Some of the features are original artwork, while others are clearly adapted with Tippex and imagination - Hagar the Horrible and Henry's Cat brought into the adult world. To be honest, they're all pretty much the same - short observations, mostly abstract or surreal in content, which all conclude with some form of taboo (swear) words.

 

 

 

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