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The Grouch (A6, 8pp, full colour)

The Grouch is a 2011 poem written in a Seussesque style by pStan Batcow, who then sent it to Dr. Adolf Steg for illustration. Dr. Steg found and assembled art pages from a variety of places, including some drawings by Carlito Juanito, and returned them to pStan Batcow who added colourisation. The whole thing was then rounded off with a cover illustration by Andy Paciorek.


"profluximuss their dingleripps" 50p
Evil Things (A5, 24pp, full colour)

pStan Batcow wrote Evil Things in 2001, and it ended up being part of his as-yet-unpublished novel The Sleeping Party. Andy Paciorek illustrated the story with drawings which were then digitally manipulated by Dr. Adolf Steg. This is the result . . . and it's truly beautiful, if more than a little grotesque. It tells the story of brave twins Tim and Thom who visit a travelling Rogue's Gallery, and the strange, disturbing and possibly terrifying things they encounter there. It's a Fairly Story, which could be read to small children . . . but they'd have to reassure you that it wasn't real as you were reading it to them!

"their skin was bubbling and running down their limbs in rivulets" 1
The Batcow Bestiary (A6, 48pp, full colour cover plus six full colour pages inside)

Renowned naturalist Andrew L. Paciorek spent several months living alone in a cave in the wilderness whilst researching this book, making copious notes and drawings. He only ventured into populated areas when investigative purposes made it totally necessary, before then going back to his work and prolonged hermit-like existence. Upon his return to civilisation he presented his findings to pStan Batcow, who was inspired to attempt to produce sculptures of the newly discovered creatures in various materials.
This book documents the results of their work.

Further information is available at www.batcow.co.uk, where a selection of similar artwork is on display and available for purchase.

"According to legend, the story behind this utterly bizarre and fabulous little zine is that renowned naturalist Andrew L. Paciorek spent several months living alone in a cave, and discovering new and exciting creatures. When he returned to civilisation he presented his findings to pStan Batcow who was inspired to produce sculptures of these beasts. This zine documents their work. Their 'discoveries' include the 'common chavfinch' (latin term 'yobbo vulgaris'), the bohemian aartvark (latin term 'Beatnika poetica) and the servile sycophant (skivvy brownnosus). It's life Jim, but not quite as we know it. The authors obviously had fun creating this alternate world."
- Nude, 2008

"What a delight! This compact booklet consists of fictive creatures, giving their names, cod-Latin variants, an amusing spiel and illustrations. My particular favourites are the Bondage Brain-Ape (Intelligencia de sade) and the Common Chavfinch (Yobbo vulgaris). I suspect this would have been as much fun to create as it is to read. To add to the joy of this project, pStan Batcow has actually created sculptures of the assorted mammals and insects using, mainly, scrap metals."
- Andrew Truth, 2010

Fully mature Absinthe Frogs will supplement their diet with Frenchmen's legs 1
Life After birth (ISBN 1 898494 00 2 - A5, 31pp plus colour cover)

A book of grotesque and extreme short stories by Stan Batcow. From diary-style recollections of true events to dreamlike musings, from slices of raw horror (both manifest and headbound) to whimsical, if slightly surreal, fairy stories. All these tales are told in an engaging manner and with a somewhat slanted perspective on life. Essential reading; if you've already got one - buy another! With accompanying illustrations by different artists. Not for the weak of heart.

"From the perverse to the paranoid and some very strange tales inbetween. Very dark and oppressive in places. However the story 'The Realm Wyfforn' is a delightful Lewis Carrol 'Jabberwocky' inspired tale. Worth buying for the imaginative story lines and great accompanying artwork."
- Vacumn Head, 1993

"Some provocative, some thought-provoking, all short, sweet and interesting. A bit out of the ordinary. The illustrations compliment the stories well, too."
- Aural Response, 1994

". . . full of strong, dark and strange imagery, sometimes fantasy, sometimes frighteningly real, but always shockingly nasty. Overall this is an excellent project . . ."
- Riot of Emotions, 1994

"This little offering to the gods of chaos is certainly not for the squeamish. If, on the other hand, you're into all things dark and sinister then this little book's for you. Sometimes amusing but definitely filled with someone's worst psychotic nightmares from hell as they fall further down the downward spiral . . . Sometimes reminiscent of American Psycho."
- NE29, 1997

"Some of these stories may disturb you. I certainly hope so."

BLIP! – My Life in a Child’s Imagination (ISBN 1 898494 01 0 - A5, 28pp plus colour cover)

This comic-strip version of the terrors of childhood, written by Stan Batcow and drawn by Andy Paciorek, is a conglomerate of all those childish fears often laughed at when your friends and you talk about how grown-up you are (but never after dark) . . . Recall the hideous terror of discovering The Toilet Monster and The Things That Live Down The Plughole . . . the flesh-crawling realisation of The Beings Under Your Bed . . . the stark, madness-inducing knowledge of what was waiting for you in The Dark . . . and all those repetitive rituals which kept you safe. It's no wonder that we're a nation of eccentrics - more wonder that we survived the rigours of childhood at all. This publication is a comprehensive account of these fears, researched in great detail from many sources, which may lay them to rest for you once and for all . . . or simply bring them back to unreality larger than ever. Dare you risk it?

"This little comic-style book . . . it's a work of pure genius. It's quite magical. Reading it stirred all kinds of childhood memories that would otherwise have remained buried in the dark little corners of my mind. It's both familiar and alien, amusing and nostalgic."
- M&E newsletter, 1999

"Special commendation must go to Blip - My Life in a Child's Imagination, which is truly excellent, and indeed . . . bloody marvellous. The illustrations are perfect for the text, and of a very high standard / quality - the centrefold with all the children's characters from Scooby-Doo to the Cat in the Hat (there were only about two I couldn't name) is astounding - it seems to encapsulate the whole of my childhood, as if it had been physically wrenched from the dim, distant and forgotten corners of my brain. The idea behind the whole project is superb, and had I been contacted with regard to your research, you would have got similar results - indeed, I find much to identify with ("Oh God, someone else did that too!") - demonic kid's toys, paintings coming alive, things under the bed - yup, I had all these things too."
- Stream Angel

An obsessive ritual concerning the toilet

Paragraph (A5-ish [square format], 28pp, full colour cover)

A collection of words which, if loosely strung together, could feasibly form a Paragraph. They are accompanied by images chosen and carefully placed to impart either more, new or no meaning. Phraseology - Stan Batcow. Image Manipulation - Andy Paciorek.

To see an internet version of this booklet, click here. A real printed-on-paper copy, however, will fit better on your coffee table and impress far more people.


MAN (A6, 16pp, full colour cover)

MAN was illustrated by Andy Paciorek and written by pStan Batcow. (The illustrations preceded the writing). It is a tale of confusion, of alien possession, of the struggle against reality we all endure, of the way different people perceive the same events. It is written in an unusual style of stilted sentences and reduced language, in order to force the reader to work harder at uncovering whatever meaning is most relevant to him or her. (Goodness, that all sounds like new-age bullshit, doesn't it?)

"We Don't Understand the Relevance of the Seahorses" 50p
Taciturn (A6, 16pp, full colour cover)

A short comic featuring Taciturn the Norwegian Owl, in a variety of situations, using words of wisdom as sung by the Beatles for good ends. Dreamt by Caroline Brooks, written by pStan Batcow, drawn by Andrew L. Paciorek.

"Taciturn is my new guru. This owl responds to all questions and quandaries with Beatle quotations. Wonderful illustrations from Andy Paciorek and, for those with anorak tendencies, extra entertainment can be gained by trying to place the lyrics in the appropriate song."
- Andrew Truth, 2010

Do you mean like a postage stamp or a banknote? 50p
Deja What? (A4, 16pp plus full colour cover)

A collection of photomontage pieces created to invoke reaction, doubt, bewilderment and scepticism. Some truly stunning examples of juxtaposition will provoke your thoughts. There's no reading to speak of, but can't images speak louder than words?

Only the cover of this publication was ever printed in colour, and the print quality of the inside black and white pages was a bit ropey, so for the first time ever in glorious technicolour (whoops, copyright infringement alert!) you can click here for an internet version, which also has three bonus pages that weren't originally printed. You should buy a real printed-on-paper copy, however, or else your life will lack meaning and you'll feel all unfulfilled and wishy-washy.

"Deja What? Is fandabbydidjeridoovy. Collage is my favourite art form in any medium (music, art, salad etc.) and I shall never use the word 'juxtaposition' (well, I shan't use it again, anyway). For ages I've had the idea of doing a booklet of collages like that, so that's further inspiration . . . yes, this is excellent stuff, and [Stan Batcow] does have quite an artist's eye."
- Stream Angel

"It'll leave a hole in front of you the size of your thumb and blow half your back out"

Shrewd (A5, 16pp, colour photograph cover)

A cautionary tale for small mammals, carefully told by Stan Batcow from real-life events. This comic book version of a true story involves a long hot summer, 'The Cat', a packet of Spangles, some quadratic equations and an unpleasant surprise . . . beautifully drawn by Crayola Summer in a child-like style subliminally oozing malevolence.

"Yes, at long last we don't have to put up with the mice any more, feed 'em to the snakes I say! It's a hard life being a cat, especially when the tourists tell you to "BUGGA OFF!" all the time. Plus he's got no mates coz all the woodland creatures don't trust him (wonder why?). You have to feel sorry for THE CAT, well he is hard done by. Bottom line, if everyone had been nice to him he wouldn't have gone over the edge."
- NE29, 1997

The actual cat in question

A Nod’s As Good As A Wink To A Blind Bat (A6-ish, 10pp - includes construction materials)

This is more of a 'do-it-yourself' Art / Construction project, containing ideas and the materials you will need for the creation of sculptures (in the paper engineering technique) and other things. It’s a piece of art in itself! (Nudge, Nudge). Great fun for all the family.

Is your wife a goer?

We Worship the Frenzied Tasmanian Crow Chainsaw Adventure (A2 folded to A5, 16pp)

We Worship the Frenzied Tasmanian Crow Chainsaw Adventure, Too (A3 folded to A5, 16pp)

Issues one and two of a publication borne out of wanting to assemble pages that Stan Batcow had produced, as contributions for printing in other people's publications. Made up of articles, fairly stories, adventures in surreality, artywork and weirdness - these are essentially pages from A 'Sex' hat dance magazine that were printed in other magazines, first.

"Probably the longest title going, a booklet that defies comparison, mainly focusing on the personal side of life through literature and artwork - recommended."
- For Want Of (mail order list), 1990

"I'm thoroughly baffled by this . . .the writing itself is surreal and mind-twisting . . . strange and fragmented, with returning sentences - plain weird!"
- Soft Watch, 1992

"Strange tales of personal experience and imaginative writings by Stan Batcow. Weird, wonderful and so full of variety that I'm not even going to attempt to describe it further."
- Vaqume Head, 1993

Whatever happened to childhood?

"I find throwing things away absolutely thrilling"

each: 30p

both: 50p

Love and Hate; Life and Death; What’s the Difference? (A6, 20pp plus colour cover)

A little booklet presenting a selection of thoughts, opinions, emotions and artwork in the poetry / prose mould.

"Thoughtful and well written."
 - (somebody whose name is lost in memory)

And silver light shines down

The Crime Prevention Coloring Book (The same height as A8 but square and therefore wider than A8, 8pp, full colour)

If you want to colour it in, you can; there are lots of places where you can try to keep inside the lines. It's by no means compulsory, though.

San Diego Police Department 7p
God is your Microwave Oven (The same height as A8 but square and therefore wider than A8, 11pp, two colour pages inside)

A fascinating little collection of some bizarre stories (taken from newspapers in the late 1980's and early 1990's) which evidence the more unusual or extreme ways and motives people have of murdering each other.

threw the head into a blazing fireplace 7p
You're Making My Noise Wheast (The same height as A8 but square and therefore wider than A8, 12pp, full colour cover)

A fascinating little collection of some bizarre stories (taken from newspapers in the late 1980's and early 1990's) which evidence pranksterism, from the harmless to the darker side.

Bullshit Batcow (A7, 16pp)

A mini comic with plenty of very rude words and little else.

BUT is it art?

Bullshit Batcow 2 (The same width as A8 but square and therefore not as tall as A8, 50pp, full colour cover)

In 1985 the first issue of Bullshit Batcow was produced. In 2006, a mere 21 years later, it was decided to produce issue 2 in an attempt to prove that the same jokes are just as funny at the point of coming of age. The attempt failed miserably. This is just another mini comic with plenty of very rude words and little else.

"This product is not intended for use as an aftershave or for communicating with aquatic mammals" 7p
Toilet Humour for Dogs (A6-ish, 16pp)

Have you ever wondered what the canine population does for a laugh? Here's a doggy version of 'Viz' comic but much more blatant. Presented in the most bizarre publishing format ever.

"A despicably pointless mini quasi-comic."
 - (somebody whose name is lost in memory)

Some pretty far out experimental ones

Teeth (A5-ish, 10pp)

A short history of the mental dental experiences of Stan Batcow. Some scenes are best read through a covered face, or from behind the sofa (just like watching ‘Doctor Who’). Gruesome! Warning: this booklet is circular.

To read the text of this booklet (which will in no way do your street-cred as much good as actually owning an original copy), visit www.ausgang.com/collect/teeth/stan.html.