The story of PUMF 539, Pumf Records' 77th release.

 

 

PUMF 539

PuertoRicanSexChant by RooHmania, Ceramic Hobs and Howl in the Typewriter

(2007)

"Bid for chance of Pumf one-off
"Blackpool's long-established indie label Pumf Records is staging an auction for the only remaining copy of its PUMF 539 release. It's the 77th release on Pumf Records and has therefore been 23 years in the making, says label boss Stan Batcow. "It's a milestone that had to be acknowledged - this meant that we had to release a special thing," he said. The track PuertoRicanSexChant from Blackpool-based Ceramic Hobs forthcoming album Al Al Who? was chosen, and remixes were commissioned from RooHmania and Howl in the Typewriter, with a special version of the original Ceramic Hobs track also being created. These three tracks now comprise PUMF 539, a CD single in a limited edition of seven copies. Five are to be retained by band members, one will go to "the doctor without whom the song would not have existed" and the last copy will be auctioned. If you would like to own the only remaining copy simply contact Pumf and state how much you would be willing to pay for it. Pumf will keep copies of all bids, which will be made available to anybody who wishes to see them. If you request running totals, Pumf will contact you with a list of current bids at intervals up to the closing date so that you might increase your bid if so desired. If you wish to make a single bid and just hope for the best, state so when you bid. The closing date for this auction is midnight tomorrow, March 7. More details from www.pumf.net or take your chances with a bid to pstan[at]batcow[dot]co[dot]uk."
- Robin Duke, Evening Gazette, March 2oo7

 

E-mail bulletins from Pumf H.Q.

From: pStan Batcow
Sent:
Friday, March 02, 2007 11:37 PM
Subject:
Pumf Records Auction - time nearly up

Well, following the previous e-mail I sent out concerning this topic, here at Pumf Records HQ we've been inundated with literally two bids in the auction for the only remaining copy of PUMF 539. In case you've forgotten or, as is much more likely, you didn't read the e-mail in the first place, here are the details again:


The 77th release on Pumf - limited edition
The 77th release on Pumf Records (23 years in the making!) is a milestone that had to be acknowledged; this meant that we had to release a special thing. Therefore a track (PuertoRicanSexChant) from the Ceramic Hobs forthcoming album Al Al Who? was chosen, and remixes of this track were commissioned from RooHmania and Howl in the Typewriter, with a special version of the original Ceramic Hobs track also being created.
These three tracks now comprise PUMF 539, a CD single in a limited edition of seven copies with a lovely YLX-102 digipack case. Snails. Five of these copies are to be retained by band members, one copy will go to the Doctor without whom the song would not have existed, and the last copy is to be auctioned.

Auction
If you would like to own the only remaining copy of the Pumf 539 CD single, PuertoRicanSexChant by RooHmania, Ceramic Hobs and Howl in the Typewriter, here's your chance. Simply contact Pumf and state how much you would be willing to pay for this item. Pumf will keep copies of all bids, which will be made available to anybody who wishes to see them in order to prove that no fraud has happened. If you request running totals, Pumf will contact you with a list of current bids at intervals up to the closing date so that you might increase your bid if so desired. If you wish to make a single bid and just hope for the best, please state so when you bid.
The closing date for this auction is March 7th, 2oo7


Bids so far were 7.58 from Steven Collins, followed quickly by a bid from Tony Barton for 'A Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar and a picture of me (signed)'. This bid was then upped (when Tony found out about Steven's bid) to its current position of 'some Rolo's and a tenner'.
So, if you think you can make a bid greater than 'some Rolo's and a tenner', get in touch. Hard cash will take preference.

THIS AUCTION WILL END AT MIDNIGHT THIS WEDNESDAY, MARCH 7TH, 2OO7.

From: pStan Batcow
Sent:
Sunday, March 04, 2007 12:17 AM
Subject:
The Pumf 539 Auction - four-days-to-go update (and there won't be another update tomorrow; I might get round to it on Monday)

It seems that Saturday is a good day for people to have a spare ten minutes to read their e-mails, and respond with rash hangover-induced offers of money (so I'm glad I did my mail-out on a Friday evening!).
I had another four bidders joining the foray today - Here's the complete bid history:

10th Feb - 7.58; Steven Collins
11th Feb - "A Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar and a picture of me (signed)"; Tony Barton
13th Feb - "Some Rolo's and a Tenner"; Tony Barton
3rd March - "I hereby bid 7p. Or should I bid 77p?"; Raptor Ramjet (I think he needs to grasp the concept of bidding higher amounts in an auction)
3rd March - "Eleven British Pounds, a (bic) lighter with a ginger kitten on it, some slightly used paperclips (approx 6) and a creme egg"; Kirsty Barnish
3rd March - "Fifteen quid, a copy of The Temptations' The Hits CD and a packet of custard creams. Let's see anyone top THAT!"; Laurence Burton

So, at the moment, it's fifteen quid and temptationy custard creams.

How much do you want to be the owner of this historic one-off artefact? How much cash would you be willing to pay? Go see the bank manager and re-mortgage your house / sell a kidney / e-bay that rare Jackson Five single.

From: pStan Batcow
Sent:
Monday, March 05, 2007 9:40 PM
Subject:
The Pumf 539 Auction - only TWO DAYS left

Hi again.
There has been one more bid, and one anti-bid, so here's the updated complete bid history:

10th Feb - 7.58; Steven Collins
11th Feb - "A Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar and a picture of me (signed)"; Tony Barton
13th Feb - "Some Rolo's and a Tenner"; Tony Barton
3rd March - "I hereby bid 7p. Or should I bid 77p?"; Raptor Ramjet (I think he needs to grasp the concept of bidding higher amounts in an auction)
3rd March - "Eleven British Pounds, a (bic) lighter with a ginger kitten on it, some slightly used paperclips (approx 6) and a creme egg"; Kirsty Barnish
3rd March - "Fifteen quid, a copy of The Temptations' The Hits CD and a packet of custard creams. Let's see anyone top THAT!"; Laurence Burton
4th March - "-1 X yellow boot lace, $3.00 in New Zealand coins (no longer legal tender because we changed all our coins last year - would have been worth 1.5 pounds), Boyz to men CD, 1 X black doc marten boot, painted pink (currently used as a pot plant holder), map of New Zealand; Kerry Lane
5th March - "No, I am not going to bid on that item, to outbid Lawrence would be an insult in any case. Besides, I have no biscuits, voul au vents, petits foures or other pastry based comestibles with which to bargain"; Andy Martin

I also had a message from Keiron Wilmot suggesting that I find out which year / edition Rupert annual it was, as it might be "worth more than 15 quid and some manky biscuits" - so, Tony Barton, please send me a full description of that Rupert annual and I'll see if you're in the running! (Hard cash is likely to take precedence, though).
Seven bids placed so far, and it's still fifteen quid and temptationy custard creams from Laurence Burton in the lead (unless that Rupert Annual turns up trumps).

I re-iterate:
How much do you want to be the owner of this historic one-off artefact? How much cash would you be willing to pay? Go see the bank manager and re-mortgage your house / sell a kidney / e-bay that rare Jackson Five single.
You've got until Midnight on Wednesday to place your bid!

From: pStan Batcow
Sent:
Tuesday, March 06, 2007 11:23 PM
Subject:
The Pumf 539 Auction - LAST NOTIFICATION, one day to go

OK, this will be the last e-mail before the end of the auction. If you want to place a last-minute bid, you have until midnight on Wednesday (7th March, 2oo7). I'll be checking my e-mail at regular intervals up to the midnight mark (and sending late e-mails to me with your computer's clock set back won't count - I'm using GMT). I will send notification of the winner at the auction's end.
Details of the auction are below in small print if you've forgotten what this is about.
One more bid came in today - here's the final update of the complete bid history:

10th Feb - 7.58; Steven Collins
11th Feb - "A Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar and a picture of me (signed)"; Tony Barton
13th Feb - "Some Rolo's and a Tenner"; Tony Barton
3rd March - "I hereby bid 7p. Or should I bid 77p?"; Raptor Ramjet (I think he needs to grasp the concept of bidding higher amounts in an auction)
3rd March - "Eleven British Pounds, a (bic) lighter with a ginger kitten on it, some slightly used paperclips (approx 6) and a creme egg"; Kirsty Barnish
3rd March - "Fifteen quid, a copy of The Temptations' The Hits CD and a packet of custard creams. Let's see anyone top THAT!"; Laurence Burton
4th March - "-1 X yellow boot lace, $3.00 in New Zealand coins (no longer legal tender because we changed all our coins last year - would have been worth 1.5 pounds), Boyz to men CD, 1 X black doc marten boot, painted pink (currently used as a pot plant holder), map of New Zealand"; Kerry Lane
5th March - "No, I am not going to bid on that item, to outbid Lawrence would be an insult in any case. Besides, I have no biscuits, voul au vents, petits foures or other pastry based comestibles with which to bargain"; Andy Martin
6th March - "All the rest of my bid +7.77p in UK currency and a free railway magazine picked at random from the past. Rupert annual is waiting to be dug out"; Tony Barton

The leading bid now, then, is as follows:
A Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar, some Rolo's, 17.77p in UK currency, a free railway magazine picked at random from the past and a picture of me (signed) from Tony Barton.

Bid statistics (in chronological order of first bid):
One bid from Steven Collins
Three bids from Tony Barton (current leader)
One bid from Raptor Ramjet
One bid from Kirsty Barnish
One bid from Laurence Burton
One bid from Kerry Lane
No bid from Andy Martin

For the last time, I urge you to ask yourself these questions:
How much do you want to be the owner of this historic one-off artefact? How much cash would you be willing to pay? Sell your granny into medical experimentation! Put your house on E-bay! Cross-breed your cat with a hamster to create a rare and valuable new breed of animal!
You've got until Midnight tomorrow to place your bid!

From: pStan Batcow
Sent:
Wednesday, March 07, 2007 1:15 PM
Subject:
(Sorry, I know . . .) The Pumf 539 Auction - FINAL prompting e-mail

Sorry, sorry, sorry . . . I know I said that the previous e-mail would be the last before the end of the auction - but a non-e-mail bid came in this morning (written with ink on paper and delivered by a postman - does anybody remember this ancient custom?) and it's leapt mightily into the lead, so I thought it fair to warn anybody hoping to sneak in a last-minute bid.

This really WILL be the last notification. The auction closes at midnight tonight.
Details of the auction are still below in small print if you've forgotten what this is about.

Bid history:
10th Feb - 7.58; Steven Collins
11th Feb - "A Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar and a picture of me (signed)"; Tony Barton
13th Feb - "Some Rolo's and a Tenner"; Tony Barton
3rd March - "I hereby bid 7p. Or should I bid 77p?"; Raptor Ramjet (I think he needs to grasp the concept of bidding higher amounts in an auction)
3rd March - "Eleven British Pounds, a (bic) lighter with a ginger kitten on it, some slightly used paperclips (approx 6) and a creme egg"; Kirsty Barnish
3rd March - "Fifteen quid, a copy of The Temptations' The Hits CD and a packet of custard creams. Let's see anyone top THAT!"; Laurence Burton
4th March - "-1 X yellow boot lace, $3.00 in New Zealand coins (no longer legal tender because we changed all our coins last year - would have been worth 1.5 pounds), Boyz to men CD, 1 X black doc marten boot, painted pink (currently used as a pot plant holder), map of New Zealand"; Kerry Lane
5th March - "No, I am not going to bid on that item, to outbid Lawrence would be an insult in any case. Besides, I have no biscuits, voul au vents, petits foures or other pastry based comestibles with which to bargain"; Andy Martin
6th March - "All the rest of my bid +7.77p in UK currency and a free railway magazine picked at random from the past. Rupert annual is waiting to be dug out"; Tony Barton
7th March - ". . . I offer a bid of 25"; John Michael Twigg

Top bid:
25 from John Michael Twigg.

 

Bid statistics (in chronological order of first bid):
One bid from Steven Collins
Three bids from Tony Barton (current leader)
One bid from Raptor Ramjet
One bid from Kirsty Barnish
One bid from Laurence Burton
One bid from Kerry Lane
No bid from Andy Martin
One bid from John Michael Twigg (current leader)

From: pStan Batcow
Sent:
Thursday, March 08, 2007 12:57 AM
Subject:
Pumf 539 - AUCTION ENDED

You'll be pleased to hear that the auction has now ended, meaning that this is the last e-mail on the subject and that you can reclaim your inbox as your own.
A last-minute bid (well, last-hour-and-eleven-minutes, actually) stormed into the lead and claimed the title of King Bidder for Steven Collins, who has won the last remaining copy of Pumf 539 with an unfeasibly mammoth bid of 51.77. (He also placed the first and last bids in the auction . . . maybe he was a pair of bookends in a previous life).
It's heart-warming to know that Pumf Product is held in such high esteem by some of you; eternal thanks for giving meaning to my life.

Final bidding history:
10th Feb - 7.58; Steven Collins
11th Feb - "A Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar and a picture of me (signed)"; Tony Barton
13th Feb - "Some Rolo's and a Tenner"; Tony Barton
3rd March - "I hereby bid 7p. Or should I bid 77p?"; Raptor Ramjet (I think he needs to grasp the concept of bidding higher amounts in an auction)
3rd March - "Eleven British Pounds, a (bic) lighter with a ginger kitten on it, some slightly used paperclips (approx 6) and a creme egg"; Kirsty Barnish
3rd March - "Fifteen quid, a copy of The Temptations' The Hits CD and a packet of custard creams. Let's see anyone top THAT!"; Laurence Burton
4th March - "-1 X yellow boot lace, $3.00 in New Zealand coins (no longer legal tender because we changed all our coins last year - would have been worth 1.5 pounds), Boyz to men CD, 1 X black doc marten boot, painted pink (currently used as a pot plant holder), map of New Zealand"; Kerry Lane
5th March - "No, I am not going to bid on that item, to outbid Lawrence would be an insult in any case. Besides, I have no biscuits, voul au vents, petits foures or other pastry based comestibles with which to bargain"; Andy Martin
6th March - "All the rest of my bid +7.77p in UK currency and a free railway magazine picked at random from the past. Rupert annual is waiting to be dug out"; Tony Barton
7th March - ". . . I offer a bid of 25"; John Michael Twigg
7th March - "I would like to bid 27,500.00 please"; Dr Catherine Houseman
7th March - "Oh no . . . just realised I've already got a copy [of PUMF 359] . . . can I retract my bid?"; Dr Catherine Houseman (something tells me that she might not have been taking the auction as seriously as everybody else!)
7th March - "OK here goes with a late bid, I will bid 51.77, wish me luck!!"; Steven Collins

So, Steven, payment in the usual way, please . . . paypal to pstan{at}batcow{dot}co{dot}uk or cheque to M.Standing at 25 Ivy Avenue, Blackpool, FY4 3QF. I'll be posting the CD single recorded delivery so you'll need to sign for it on delivery.

To everyone else who placed a bid (or non-bid) may I say 'thankyou' once again. I'm delighted that there are such lunatics in the world!