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E-mail bulletins from
Pumf H.Q.
From: pStan Batcow
Sent: Friday,
March 02, 2007 11:37 PM
Subject: Pumf
Records Auction - time nearly up
Well, following the
previous e-mail I sent out concerning this topic, here at Pumf Records HQ
we've been inundated with literally two bids in the auction for the only
remaining copy of PUMF 539. In case you've forgotten or, as is much more
likely, you didn't read the e-mail in the first place, here are the
details again:
The 77th release on
Pumf - limited edition
The 77th release on Pumf Records (23 years in the making!) is a
milestone that had to be acknowledged; this meant that we had to release a
special thing. Therefore a track (PuertoRicanSexChant) from the Ceramic
Hobs forthcoming album Al Al Who? was chosen, and remixes of
this track were commissioned from RooHmania and Howl in the
Typewriter, with a special version of the original Ceramic Hobs
track also being created.
These three tracks now comprise PUMF 539, a CD single in a limited
edition of seven copies with a lovely YLX-102 digipack case. Snails. Five
of these copies are to be retained by band members, one copy will go to
the Doctor without whom the song would not have existed, and the
last copy is to be auctioned.
Auction
If you would like to own the only remaining copy of the Pumf 539 CD
single, PuertoRicanSexChant by RooHmania, Ceramic Hobs
and Howl in the Typewriter, here's your chance. Simply contact Pumf
and state how much you would be willing to pay for this item. Pumf will
keep copies of all bids, which will be made available to anybody who
wishes to see them in order to prove that no fraud has happened. If you
request running totals, Pumf will contact you with a list of current bids
at intervals up to the closing date so that you might increase your bid if
so desired. If you wish to make a single bid and just hope for the best,
please state so when you bid.
The closing date for this auction is March 7th, 2oo7
Bids so far were £7.58
from Steven Collins, followed quickly by a bid from Tony Barton for 'A
Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar and a picture of me (signed)'.
This bid was then upped (when Tony found out about Steven's bid) to its
current position of 'some Rolo's and a tenner'.
So, if you think you can make a bid greater than 'some Rolo's and a tenner',
get in touch. Hard cash will take preference.
THIS AUCTION WILL END AT
MIDNIGHT THIS WEDNESDAY, MARCH 7TH, 2OO7.
From: pStan Batcow
Sent: Sunday,
March 04, 2007 12:17 AM
Subject: The
Pumf 539 Auction - four-days-to-go update (and there won't be another
update tomorrow; I might get round to it on Monday)
It seems that Saturday is a
good day for people to have a spare ten minutes to read their e-mails, and
respond with rash hangover-induced offers of money (so I'm glad I did my
mail-out on a Friday evening!).
I had another four bidders joining the foray today - Here's the complete
bid history:
10th Feb - £7.58;
Steven Collins
11th Feb - "A Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar and a
picture of me (signed)"; Tony Barton
13th Feb - "Some Rolo's and a Tenner"; Tony Barton
3rd March - "I hereby bid 7p. Or should I bid 77p?";
Raptor Ramjet (I think he needs to grasp the concept of bidding higher
amounts in an auction)
3rd March - "Eleven British Pounds, a (bic) lighter with a
ginger kitten on it, some slightly used paperclips (approx 6) and a creme
egg"; Kirsty Barnish
3rd March - "Fifteen quid, a copy of The Temptations' The
Hits CD and a packet of custard creams. Let's see anyone top
THAT!"; Laurence Burton
So, at the moment, it's
fifteen quid and temptationy custard creams.
How much do
you want to be the owner of this historic one-off artefact? How much
cash would you be willing to pay? Go see the bank manager and re-mortgage
your house / sell a kidney / e-bay that rare Jackson Five single.
From: pStan Batcow
Sent: Monday,
March 05, 2007 9:40 PM
Subject: The
Pumf 539 Auction - only TWO DAYS left
Hi again.
There has been one more bid, and one anti-bid, so here's the updated
complete bid history:
10th
Feb - £7.58; Steven
Collins
11th Feb
- "A Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar and a picture of me
(signed)"; Tony Barton
13th Feb
- "Some Rolo's and a Tenner"; Tony Barton
3rd March
- "I hereby bid 7p. Or should I bid 77p?"; Raptor Ramjet (I
think he needs to grasp the concept of bidding higher
amounts in an auction)
3rd March
- "Eleven British Pounds, a (bic) lighter with a ginger kitten on it,
some slightly used paperclips (approx 6) and a creme egg"; Kirsty
Barnish
3rd March
- "Fifteen quid, a copy of The Temptations' The Hits CD and
a packet of custard creams. Let's see anyone top THAT!"; Laurence
Burton
4th March
- "-1 X yellow boot lace, $3.00 in New Zealand coins (no longer legal
tender because we changed all our coins last year - would have been worth
1.5 pounds), Boyz to men CD, 1 X black doc marten boot, painted
pink (currently used as a pot plant holder), map of New Zealand;
Kerry Lane
5th March
- "No, I am not going to bid on that item, to outbid Lawrence would
be an insult in any case. Besides, I have no biscuits, voul au vents,
petits foures or other pastry based comestibles with which to
bargain"; Andy Martin
I
also had a message from Keiron Wilmot suggesting that I find out which
year / edition Rupert annual it was, as it might be "worth more than
15 quid and some manky biscuits" - so, Tony Barton, please send
me a full description of that Rupert annual and I'll see if you're in the
running! (Hard cash is likely to take precedence, though).
Seven
bids placed so far, and it's still fifteen quid and temptationy
custard creams from Laurence Burton in the lead (unless that Rupert Annual
turns up trumps).
I
re-iterate:
How
much do you want to be the owner of this historic one-off artefact?
How much cash would you be willing to pay? Go see the bank
manager and re-mortgage your house / sell a kidney / e-bay that rare
Jackson Five single.
You've
got until Midnight on Wednesday to place your bid!
From: pStan Batcow
Sent: Tuesday,
March 06, 2007 11:23 PM
Subject: The
Pumf 539 Auction - LAST NOTIFICATION, one day to go
OK,
this will be the last e-mail before the end of the auction. If you want to
place a last-minute bid, you have until midnight on Wednesday (7th March,
2oo7). I'll be checking my e-mail at regular intervals up to the midnight
mark (and sending late e-mails to me with your computer's clock set back
won't count - I'm using GMT). I will send notification of the winner at
the auction's end.
Details of the auction are below in small print if you've forgotten what
this is about.
One more bid came in today - here's the final update of the
complete bid history:
10th
Feb - £7.58; Steven
Collins
11th Feb
- "A Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar and a picture of me
(signed)"; Tony Barton
13th Feb
- "Some Rolo's and a Tenner"; Tony Barton
3rd March
- "I hereby bid 7p. Or should I bid 77p?"; Raptor Ramjet (I
think he needs to grasp the concept of bidding higher
amounts in an auction)
3rd March
- "Eleven British Pounds, a (bic) lighter with a ginger kitten on it,
some slightly used paperclips (approx 6) and a creme egg"; Kirsty
Barnish
3rd March
- "Fifteen quid, a copy of The Temptations' The Hits CD and
a packet of custard creams. Let's see anyone top THAT!"; Laurence
Burton
4th March
- "-1 X yellow boot lace, $3.00 in New Zealand coins (no longer legal
tender because we changed all our coins last year - would have been worth
1.5 pounds), Boyz to men CD, 1 X black doc marten boot, painted
pink (currently used as a pot plant holder), map of New
Zealand"; Kerry Lane
5th March
- "No, I am not going to bid on that item, to outbid Lawrence would
be an insult in any case. Besides, I have no biscuits, voul au vents,
petits foures or other pastry based comestibles with which to
bargain"; Andy Martin
6th March
- "All the rest of my bid +£7.77p in UK currency and a free railway
magazine picked at random from the past. Rupert annual is waiting to be
dug out"; Tony Barton
The
leading bid now, then, is as follows:
A
Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar, some Rolo's, £17.77p in UK
currency, a free railway magazine picked at random from the past and
a picture of me (signed) from Tony Barton.
Bid
statistics (in chronological order of first bid):
One bid from Steven Collins
Three bids from Tony Barton (current leader)
One bid from Raptor Ramjet
One bid from Kirsty Barnish
One bid from Laurence Burton
One bid from Kerry Lane
No bid from Andy Martin
For
the last time, I urge you to ask yourself these questions:
How
much do you want to be the owner of this historic one-off artefact?
How much cash would you be willing to pay? Sell your granny
into medical experimentation! Put your house on E-bay! Cross-breed your
cat with a hamster to create a rare and valuable new breed of animal!
You've
got until Midnight tomorrow to place your bid!
From: pStan Batcow
Sent:
Wednesday, March 07, 2007 1:15 PM
Subject:
(Sorry, I know . . .) The Pumf 539 Auction - FINAL prompting e-mail
Sorry,
sorry, sorry . . . I know I said that the previous e-mail would be the
last before the end of the auction - but a non-e-mail bid came in this
morning (written with ink on paper and delivered by a postman - does
anybody remember this ancient custom?) and it's leapt mightily into the
lead, so I thought it fair to warn anybody hoping to sneak in a
last-minute bid.
This
really WILL be the last notification. The auction closes at midnight
tonight.
Details of the auction are still below in small print if you've
forgotten what this is about.
Bid
history:
10th
Feb - £7.58; Steven
Collins
11th Feb
- "A Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar and a picture of me
(signed)"; Tony Barton
13th Feb
- "Some Rolo's and a Tenner"; Tony Barton
3rd March
- "I hereby bid 7p. Or should I bid 77p?"; Raptor Ramjet (I
think he needs to grasp the concept of bidding higher
amounts in an auction)
3rd March
- "Eleven British Pounds, a (bic) lighter with a ginger kitten on it,
some slightly used paperclips (approx 6) and a creme egg"; Kirsty
Barnish
3rd March
- "Fifteen quid, a copy of The Temptations' The Hits CD and
a packet of custard creams. Let's see anyone top THAT!"; Laurence
Burton
4th March
- "-1 X yellow boot lace, $3.00 in New Zealand coins (no longer legal
tender because we changed all our coins last year - would have been worth
1.5 pounds), Boyz to men CD, 1 X black doc marten boot, painted
pink (currently used as a pot plant holder), map of New
Zealand"; Kerry Lane
5th March
- "No, I am not going to bid on that item, to outbid Lawrence would
be an insult in any case. Besides, I have no biscuits, voul au vents,
petits foures or other pastry based comestibles with which to
bargain"; Andy Martin
6th March
- "All the rest of my bid +£7.77p in UK currency and a free railway
magazine picked at random from the past. Rupert annual is waiting to be
dug out"; Tony Barton
7th March
- ". . . I offer a bid of £25"; John Michael Twigg
Top
bid:
£25 from John Michael Twigg.
Bid
statistics (in chronological order of first bid):
One bid from Steven Collins
Three bids from Tony Barton (current leader)
One bid from Raptor Ramjet
One bid from Kirsty Barnish
One bid from Laurence Burton
One bid from Kerry Lane
No bid from Andy Martin
One
bid from John Michael Twigg (current leader)
From: pStan Batcow
Sent:
Thursday, March 08, 2007 12:57 AM
Subject: Pumf
539 - AUCTION ENDED
You'll
be pleased to hear that the auction has now ended, meaning that this is
the last e-mail on the subject and that you can reclaim your inbox as your
own.
A last-minute bid (well, last-hour-and-eleven-minutes, actually) stormed
into the lead and claimed the title of King Bidder for Steven Collins,
who has won the last remaining copy of Pumf 539 with an unfeasibly mammoth
bid of £51.77. (He also placed the first and last bids in the auction . .
. maybe he was a pair of bookends in a previous life).
It's heart-warming to know that Pumf Product is held in such high esteem
by some of you; eternal thanks for giving meaning to my life.
Final
bidding history:
10th
Feb - £7.58; Steven
Collins
11th Feb
- "A Rupert annual, a chocolate marzipan bar and a picture of me
(signed)"; Tony Barton
13th Feb
- "Some Rolo's and a Tenner"; Tony Barton
3rd March
- "I hereby bid 7p. Or should I bid 77p?"; Raptor Ramjet (I
think he needs to grasp the concept of bidding higher
amounts in an auction)
3rd March
- "Eleven British Pounds, a (bic) lighter with a ginger kitten on it,
some slightly used paperclips (approx 6) and a creme egg"; Kirsty
Barnish
3rd March
- "Fifteen quid, a copy of The Temptations' The Hits CD and
a packet of custard creams. Let's see anyone top THAT!"; Laurence
Burton
4th March
- "-1 X yellow boot lace, $3.00 in New Zealand coins (no longer legal
tender because we changed all our coins last year - would have been worth
1.5 pounds), Boyz to men CD, 1 X black doc marten boot, painted
pink (currently used as a pot plant holder), map of New
Zealand"; Kerry Lane
5th March
- "No, I am not going to bid on that item, to outbid Lawrence would
be an insult in any case. Besides, I have no biscuits, voul au vents,
petits foures or other pastry based comestibles with which to
bargain"; Andy Martin
6th March
- "All the rest of my bid +£7.77p in UK currency and a free railway
magazine picked at random from the past. Rupert annual is waiting to be
dug out"; Tony Barton
7th March
- ". . . I offer a bid of £25"; John Michael Twigg
7th
March -
"I would like to bid £27,500.00 please"; Dr Catherine
Houseman
7th
March
-
"Oh no . . . just realised I've already got a copy [of PUMF 359] .
. . can I retract my bid?"; Dr Catherine Houseman (something
tells me that she might not have been taking the auction as seriously as
everybody else!)
7th
March -
"OK here goes with a late bid, I will bid £51.77, wish me
luck!!"; Steven Collins
So, Steven, payment
in the usual way, please . . . paypal to pstan{at}batcow{dot}co{dot}uk or
cheque to M.Standing at 25 Ivy Avenue, Blackpool, FY4 3QF. I'll be posting
the CD single recorded delivery so you'll need to sign for it on delivery.
To everyone else who
placed a bid (or non-bid) may I say 'thankyou' once again. I'm delighted
that there are such lunatics in the world!
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